Monthly Column
It may be the season to be jolly, but for many people, the holidays can bring up losses, sadness and disappointments. Many of us enter the holiday season with fantasies often based on what we see in the movies or in a Norman Rockwell painting. The holiday joy that we are taught to expect often eludes many of us. Unfulfilled expectations and anticipated disappointments can lead to the "holiday blues," more commonly known as "seasonal depression."
How can we help ourselves to minimize the stresses of the holidays while maximizing our blessings? Perhaps we should begin with the true themes of this season, which are based in spirituality. This is a season of giving of ourselves, of taking the time for self-reflection, of consideration and compassion for the plight of others. It is a time to be charitable. It is also a time to be with people, whether with family, friends, or through volunteer work.
It might be helpful to try to anticipate difficulties that may arise from family visits or festivities. Try to plan ahead. Remember that simplicity is often the safest path. Establish a new set of rituals around the holidays. Sing songs. Tell stories. Write poetry. Paint a picture. Creativity, flexibility and openness to change can work wonders in letting go of expectations. Reach out to a loved one or friend and share your feelings, fears, and disappointments. Also remember to express your thankfulness for your blessings: a roof over your head; food on your table; living in a land of democracy and freedom.
Sit down with someone special and make plans for the holidays. Don't take on more thank you can handle. It's fine to negotiate, to compromise, to collaborate, or to even say "no!" The holidays offer many temptations, which, if you overindulge, can be dangerous. alcohol, overeating, overspending and over-exercising to fit into that sleek New Year's Eve dress, are unhealthy. You don't have to give up everything. Moderation is the operative word; a little can go a long way.
If overcrowded stores seem scary to you, try shopping on-line or through a catalog. A handmade gift or a handwritten note is always nice to receive. For some, holidays can magnify feelings of loss of a loved one. Tears are natural. A good cry may wash away your sorrows. Don't push feelings aside. Holidays are often a bittersweet and poignant combination of happy memories mixed with the reality of the present and the sadness from past disappointments.
Also try to lighten up. Light is a universal symbol of renewal, hope, faith and promise. Use it to your advantage. The night can take on a new glow with homes displaying holiday lights. Take a moonlit walk. Gaze at the stars or share a candlelight dinner. Treat yourself to a bath lighted by candles. Offer support to one in need, thereby lightening his load as well as your heart. Learn something about a different culture. Experience a religious service in a denomination different from your beliefs. Take a few moments from your busy day to meditate and find light in your own answers. Appreciate who you are and be gentle on yourself. Share your blessings or celebrations with someone who might otherwise have a lonely or disappointing holiday. Get involved in community service or volunteer organizations.
Wishing you and your loved ones blessings, health, comfort and peace of mind now and in the coming years.
The year 2010 is quickly coming to an end, and the new year of 2011 is just around the corner. Can you believe it? I can remember stressing over the New Year of 2000 and what that would mean to computers around the world. And now we are about to enter the New Year of 2011. What would you like for yourself for this upcoming year? What do you plan to do differently? What can you do to make the world a better place? What can you do to turn your home environment into a sanctuary of peace and contentment?
How about taking time to take an inventory of successes from this present year, and find joy in any achievement, no matter how large or how small. It is my opinion that the life we are given is ours to do with as we wish. We can resign ourselves to whatever comes along, or we can face life with passion and zest. Attitude is a choice.
There is a story about Robert Louis Stevenson which I would like to pass along to you. Robert Louis Stevenson was bedridden much of his life with tuberculosis. One day, his wife heard him hacking loudly and said, “I suppose you still believe it is a wonderful day.” Turning toward a window ablaze with sunlight, Stevenson responded, “I do! I will never let a row of medicine bottles block my horizon.”
Take a moment to appreciate the wonders in the world around you: the whisper of the wind in the trees, the aromas from a bakery, the beauty in a sunset or sunrise, the majesty of the ocean, the peacefulness of the forest after a snowfall.
And then, take another moment to give thanks that you are given another day, to open your eyes to opportunities to do something with this day. As my husband has occasionally reminded me, “the days go by whether we do something with them or not.”
It is time to take off the blinders of negativism and replace them with a positive attitude adjustment. As Anthony Robbins stated, “Our beliefs about what we are and what we can be precisely determine what we will be.” And as Dale Carnegie said, “Believe that you will succeed. Believe it firmly, and you will then do what is necessary to bring success about.
Enjoy life. After all, it beats the alternative!
Wishing you a new year filled with a positive attitude, the realization that life is filled with choices, and peace of mind.
Happy New Year—Make it a good one!
CAN YOU CHOOSE HAPPINESS?
My husband’s favorite motto is, “The days will go by whether you choose to do something with them or not.” “Do you mean that I can’t wait until Monday to start that diet?” I ask. I guess he’s right. Typically, for most of us, we wait until Monday to begin a task, however, Monday comes and goes and we are no closer to our goals than we were the Sunday night before. Then we browbeat ourselves. We give ourselves 50 lashes with a wet noodle and feel downright crummy for the remainder of the week. Just to feel better, we go out for an ice cream. That certainly does the trick. Now we can beat ourselves up even more for adding additional calories.
While this is not a column about dieting, this example certainly illustrates how we are our own worst enemies. We procrastinate, make excuses, lose the passion and then get depressed that nothing in our lives has changed. Well, I say, it is time to stand up and take action. We can indeed choose to be effective and happy each and every day of our lives. After all, the sun rises and sets. We awaken from and return to sleep. What happens in between affects how we perceive our lives. In other words, it is feeling good about the day-to-day activities, being connected to people, and apportioning time for ourselves which dictates our happiness or unhappiness. The question then becomes whether or not we can choose to be happy. I believe we can.
Here are some suggestions to get you started. First of all, I do not believe that good moods just happen. If we feel confident, competent, enjoy our jobs, and have a few good friends we are well on the way to contentment. Beginning each day with a smile, even if it is a half smile, helps tremendously. Appreciating what we have is also essential to happiness.
Getting a handle on stress will help to keep the doctor away and is a key to maintaining good health. I don’t know about you, but I know exactly where I hold my stress—it is in my neck. When I start to feel tightness there, it is an instant message that I’ve got to either change what is happening or manage it more effectively. Think about where stress settles in to your body. Some people complain of neck pain; some have headaches; others hold their stress in their stomachs, which can then lead to irritable bowel syndrome or other gastrointestinal disorders. Fibromyalgia is exacerbated by stress and is often brought about when we feel out of control. Others hold the stress in their backs. It is important to identify the stressors in your life. It is impossible to fight something that you do not know.
Start looking at the cup as being half full rather than half empty. Take an inventory of what you have going for you: a roof over your head, clothes on your back, a few good friends, a job, someone significant in your life, family. Count your blessings. Celebrate even the smallest of successes. Walk with your head high.
As Johann Wolfgang von Goethe stated, “There are eight requisites for contented living: health enough to make work a pleasure; wealth enough to support your needs; strength to battle with difficulties and overcome them; grace enough to confess your sins and forsake them; patience enough to toil until some good is accomplished; charity enough to see some good in your neighbor; faith enough to make real the things of God; hope enough to remove all anxious fear concerning the future.”